


Ruins Of A Brain

by jstonedd



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Alternate plot, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:09:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28758606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jstonedd/pseuds/jstonedd
Summary: After rescuing a brainwashed Asami from the enemy, Korra struggles to get her girlfriend's personality and memories back while dealing with the possibilty of having to accept the new Asami forever.Minor spoilers for 'Ruins of the Empire'. This story was written to compensate for the lack of Korrasami plot in the comic.
Relationships: Korra/Asami Sato
Comments: 6
Kudos: 138





	Ruins Of A Brain

**Author's Note:**

> Please allow me to indulge in a longer preface for this story because it has been more than two years since the last time I've written anything Korrasami related, since then I've been completely out of the loop. My writing in general has suffered a lot these past years, but I'm trying to get my passion back. This story came about when Netflix recommended me Legend of Korra again and I decided to rewatch it, suddenly being reminded of how great this universe and the characters and of course, the endgame pairing was. Then I saw there were 2 comics continuing their story right after the finale and I immediately went and caught up with that and I have to say…I felt kinda empty. I know it’s hard to depict long, detailed stories in a comic within a certain number of pages, but that moment when Asami got brainwashed, there would have been so much potential for an actual story arc or character development or just something. Maybe a few more lines between 'evil' Asami and Korra.
> 
> But this is what fanfictions are here for, right? To create new headcanons and fill the gaps that the original work has left us. And this story is my version of how a brainwashing trope with Korrasami could look like. With random bursts of adult jokes and philosophical questions. Much like the type of conversation I usually have. Anyway, hope you enjoy. Title is loosely based on the comic but also an accurate description of my own brain.

“It has to be reversible! There’s got to be a way, there’s got to be something that can turn her back, please, you have to-”

“Korra.” Suyin put both of her hands on Korra’s tense shoulders in an attempt to calm her down, but the Avatar swiftly backed away from her, too agitated to accept any answer outside the range of things she wanted to hear.

“Asami’s brain is too smart to be influenced by any of the crap that they try to tell her,” Korra mumbled to herself, rubbing her aching head. “I just have to remind her of who she is.”

“Korra,” Suyin tried again, and when she wasn’t interrupted, she continued softly, “I know how upsetting this must be to you, but there’s nothing you can do right now. I believe Bataar Junior will come up with something, but in the meantime, all we can do is wait.”

“You know I’m not good at that,” Korra weakly said, shoulders slowly sinking. “Who knows how long it will take for him to find a solution? I can’t – I don’t think I can…” Her throat dried up before she could finish her sentence.

She didn’t want to imagine a scenario where Asami would no longer recognize her and have no memories of her, of them, of everything they had shared together over the years.

“She must still be in there, deep inside,” Korra breathed out, curling her hands into fists. “I have to talk to her.” She raised her eyes to Suyin, who stood before her, gazing back at her with a torn look. “Are you going to keep me from seeing her?”

Suyin’s eyebrows furrowed for a bit before she let out a long sigh, taking one step aside to clear Korra’s path to the door. “You know no one can stop you from doing anything once you’ve set your mind on it. Why would I be of any difference?”

Surprised by the lack of resistance, Korra cautiously took a step toward the door before she stopped again, staring at Suyin. “I was just expecting a few more rounds of arguing back and forth before I go ahead and do it anyway.”

“Exactly,” Suyin nodded, “and since you get what you want anyway, why would I waste my energy on arguing with you?” She smiled lightly. “I once was young, too, you know? I know how you feel. And if it was me, I’d also try to do everything I can to save the people I love.”

“Huh.” Korra blinked a few times before she asked again, “Then why tell me to wait at first?”

Suyin shrugged. “It was worth a try. And so no one can tell me I’m an irresponsible mother afterwards.”

Korra’s expression softened. “I don’t think that’s something you’ll ever have to worry about. You are a great mother.”

“I doubt that this is what everyone thinks,” Suyin quietly replied, turning her face away as her expression saddened. “Go, Korra. Asami’s in the next room.”

Opening her mouth and closing again, Korra bit the insides of her cheek when she realized that she had touched a sore subject. How could she forget that Kuvira had also been partly raised by Suyin? Ever since the trials, this topic had been a strain on the Beifong family. People were putting some of the blame on them, saying that Suyin’s failed parenting had created a monster.

Korra wanted to tell her that none of this was her fault, that people were always looking to blame someone, but she also knew that this wasn’t the real problem that was bothering Suyin. In the end, the older woman was troubled by the possibility that she truly might not have done enough as a mother to raise her kids with an equal amount of love. And this was a question that only she herself could solve.

The Avatar ducked her head and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her. When she looked up, her blue eyes lit up with determination again. There might be nothing she could do for Suyin right now, but Asami was a different matter. It was a personal one.

“May I?” She pressed out between tightly drawn lips as she drew near two soldiers guarding the door to Asami’s room.

The guards looked at each other for a second before they each took a step to the side. 

“Thanks,” Korra mumbled as she pushed the door open and walked in, nudging it shut with her foot behind her.

“You…”

Asami instantly jumped up from her bed, hands still in metal cuffs as she stormed toward Korra.

“Asami, wait-“ Korra defensively held out a hand, but when Asami didn’t flinch for a second and kept charging toward her, Korra used airbending to press her girlfriend back.

“Urgh.” Through gritted teeth, Asami snarled at her and struggled to find footing within the tiny storm around her. She was slowly pushed backwards until she stumbled back onto the bed, locked into a sitting position.

“I’m just here to talk,” Korra quickly said, lowering her hands again to dissolve the strong gusts of wind holding Asami back. “Please, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“As if I’d trust anything you say,” Asami hissed, twitching her head to the side to get rid of the ruffled-up hair that had loosely fallen into her vision. “Someone like you with this much power should not exist. It would only be a matter of time until greed takes over and you find a way to abuse it.”

“I’m nothing like that!” Agitated, Korra stepped forward but when she saw Asami’s body stance tensing up again, she stopped in her tracks. “I would never use my power for my own benefit.”

“Tch.” Green eyes narrowed in disdain. “The only reason you can hold me here is because you have bending and I am shackled. How is that not a display of power?”

Korra couldn’t reply as her heart painfully constricted within her chest. It wasn’t the words that hurt her. It was the look of pure resentment and loathing that she had never seen before in Asami’s eyes, not even directed at enemies, now piercing straight into her soul. It robbed her of her breath, made it hard to think, hard to stay rational when those eyes used to make her feel secure, warm and loved. And now all she found in them was the cold absence of anything that used to be Asami.

“Asami…” Korra helplessly stumbled backward until her back hit the door and she slid down along it until she sat on the floor.

Confused by the reaction but seizing an opportunity to turn this into her favor, Asami carefully stood up and when Korra didn’t immediately react, she stepped toward her.

“I don’t know why you insist on knowing me,” Asami said coldly, looking down at her, “but I guess I should be thankful that I’m getting a special treatment. I prefer it to rotting in a cell any day.”

Korra slowly tilted her head up to stare at the person that used to be her girlfriend and when she found green eyes returning her gaze with a stoic look, she gritted her teeth in bitterness. “It’s because I do know you. I know you better than everyone else, sometimes even better than yourself. Said it so yourself.”

“What are you talking about,” Asami retorted, the edge of her lips turning downward in repulsion. “We have no history. Stop talking as if we were friends.”

“We were more than that. Are,” Korra corrected herself.

“Shut up,” Asami growled. “I don’t know what kind of confusing tactics you’re going for, it’s completely useless on me. I told you I don’t know anything about Commander Guan’s operations, I don’t belong to his inner circle. It’s a waste of time trying to get me to betray him.”

“I don’t care about that!” Korra shouted, suddenly pushing herself up from the floor and taking a step toward Asami, who immediately took on a defensive stance. A pair of sharp green eyes were ready to analyze every move she made and enter into combat any second.

“I don’t care about him or what he does, it will never work out in his favor anyway.” Korra forced her own voice to sound calmer than she felt and she refrained from doing any more sudden moves. “You’re the one I care about. I know this will sound crazy to you, but that’s because you’ve been brainwashed by him. Everything you’re believing right now is not real.”

“Tch.” Unimpressed, Asami made a dismissive sound and turned her back on Korra. “Brainwashed," she scoffed. "Couldn’t have come up with a better lie to trick me?”

“It’s not a lie – why else would you be allowed to stay in this room without much restriction if it wasn’t for your importance to me?” Korra desperately explained.

Asami didn’t turn around to face Korra, instead raising her wrists with the handcuffs. “Considering I’m just a non-bender, this is quite a big restriction for me. You wouldn’t happen to deem me as important enough to free me of these?”

Korra’s hand was in the middle of rising, ready to bend the handcuffs off Asami, when she abruptly stopped herself and took a step back. “I’m sorry, I can’t do that. Though there’s nothing I would want to do more, I also know you’re going to be able to escape the second I step out of here.”

“Figured it wouldn’t be that easy.” Asami marched toward her bed and sat down on it. “I wish to be left alone now, Avatar. Unless you enjoy getting no useful information out of me and wasting your own time.”

Korra clenched her fists, painfully aware of how the helplessness she felt was feeding her desperation and hindering her ability to act rationally. Though she had been mindful of the possibilty that talking with Asami in this state right now would be useless, she had still hoped for some sparks of recognition to appear once they saw each other. Even if it was a miniscule chance, it was still something Korra didn't want to leave untried. But to be treated this coldly by someone she loved so much hurt her more than she could have ever imagined. She didn't think she could bear more of this right now, which is why she didn't protest against Asami's wish.

The woman in front of her was no longer the girlfriend she knew.

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” she weakly croaked out, resignation heavy in her voice as she stepped outside the room. She could feel an icy gaze piercing through her back, which was why she didn't dare to turn around when she closed the door behind her.

_________________

With her legs crossed beneath her, Asami was sitting still on the bed, eyes closed and shackled hands resting in her lap when Korra entered her room the next day. She immediately noticed the untouched food tray on the table, carrying a wide variety of dishes that were cold now.

Forcing herself to breathe more calmly at the upsetting sight, Korra pulled up a chair from beneath the table and sat down. Then, with a small weave of her hand, the shackles on Asami’s wrists popped open with a click and slid off her lap, falling to the floor.

“What the…” Asami stared at the handcuffs on the floor before suspiciously gazing at Korra. When there was no further action, Asami rubbed the wounded skin on her wrists and rotated her hands to alleviate the stiffness.

“Figured you wouldn’t need those while we are talking,” Korra muttered.

Asami didn’t offer a comment as she stretched her fingers.

“This will all be over soon, I promise,” Korra tried to optimistically say despite feeling her heart sinking to her stomach when she saw Asami’s stoic expression. "We will get you back."

“Hm.” Asami leaned back against the wall. “So you're sticking to the whole 'brainwashing' non-sense.”

"It's not - never mind, I won't argue with you." There was no point in that and Korra had to preserve her patience. “You don't have to believe me for it to be true. The person you were before is someone very important me. And I’m trying to get her back. Until then, I need you to keep this body safe and sound. So please, take your meals.”

Scoffing, Asami crossed her arms. “This is still my body. And I’m not going to touch anything that I don’t know the origins of.”

Deeply sighing, Korra scooted with her chair over to the table and picked up a loaf of bread, ripping off a small piece to shove it into her own mouth. After chewing and swallowing it, she offered the bread to Asami, who didn’t budge.

“You’re the Avatar. I’m certain there are some poisons that won’t effect you but would be enough to harm me.”

Frustrated, Korra’s fingers dug into the bread and she stood up, storming out of the room. Seconds later, a bewildered guard was pulled inside the room with her and she ordered him to eat a piece of the bread. Still confused and now slightly intimidated, the guard carefully chewed on the piece of bread, nervously looking between Korra and Asami.

“How does it taste,” Korra asked impatiently.

The guard swallowed and carefully replied, “Like bread? “

“Good. Dismissed.” And she shoved him out of the room, throwing the door shut with more force than necessary.

Her head turned back to Asami. “And?”

Asami shrugged. “Not very convincing proof.”

“You think I would be so cruel to sacrifice a guard’s life just to make you believe the food is not poisoned?” Korra said in disbelief.

“Maybe,” Asami replied indifferently. “But I still don’t know why you would go through all this trouble to keep me alive when I have no useful information for you.”

“Because I don’t care about that!” Korra exclaimed in frustration, carelessly throwing the loaf of bread back onto the tray. “Everything I’ve been saying is the truth, you are _not_ yourself right now. And I know somewhere deep inside, you know it, too. The Asami I know is too stubborn to ever let a slimy man tell her what to believe.”

"Wish I knew what you were talking about," Asami remarked tonelessly.

Korra could feel herself starting to get agitated and too impatient to think rationally. She was on the brink of giving up for today and retreat when she suddenly had a nagging suspicion she needed to confirm. “If you don’t believe that some sort of brainwashing has been done to you, then let me ask – what do you remember of the past?”

And this time, Korra immediately could tell that this question had sparked something within Asami when she didn't reply. Though the woman's stony expression remained unreadable, Korra could sense the cracks in the wall forming. Now she only needed to keep hitting the fragile spot.

“You don’t remember anything, am I right?” she quietly said.

Asami’s gaze dropped to the floor as her lips remained sealed.

Feeling a surge of hope light up within her chest, Korra kneeled in front of Asami, looking up at her. “You don’t remember anything up until you joined the Earth Empire because of the brainwashing. Your beliefs right now are not your own.”

And when Korra eagerly tried to grab Asami’s hands, Asami immediately pulled them out of reach and hissed, “Don’t touch me!”

“Asami-“

“Stop saying my name!” she shouted. “How do I know if _you_ weren’t the one who brainwashed me and made me forget my past so you can fill it with your own twisted narrative?”

Korra’s eyes widened in hurt and shock. “But I would never do –“

“It’s not about you!” Asami angrily cut her off. “How do I know if anything you’re saying is real? If such a thing as brainwashing existed, wouldn’t anyone be able to dictate a new reality?”

“Then – then what do you want me to do?” Korra exclaimed in exasperation, throwing up her hands. “How can I prove to you that your memories have been compromised by Guan?“

Upon seeing the genuine intent in Korra’s unguarded eyes, Asami averted her gaze.

“Leave,” she pressed out between tense lips.

“But-“

“I said, leave!” Asami hissed. “I need time to think. If I’m truly as important to you as you keep saying, then you would respect my wishes, wouldn’t you?”

Korra gritted her teeth and slowly stood up. “I’ll leave. But only after you’ve eaten.” And she crossed her arms, signaling that she wasn’t going to budge until the food on the table had been cleared.

Asami glared at her but still moved to the table with no more objections, picking up cutlery to start eating. And once Korra saw that most of the plates had been cleared, she dragged her heavy feet out of the room.

"I will be back tomorrow," she quietly said before she closed the door, then turned around to lean on it with her back.

She was not going to give up until Asami was back.

\---------------------

“I have a proposition for you.”

This time, Asami was waiting for Korra when she arrived, standing in the middle of the room with her arms crossed.

Surprised and feeling a sliver of hope, Korra immediately nodded. “Let’s hear it.”

“I might have lost my memories, but I still am a scientist and an engineer,” Asami said with a neutral face. “Let me do my own research and find a way to get my memories back.”

Korra’s eyes lit up. “Under two conditions.”

Asami nodded subtly for her to continue.

“One,” Korra raised a pointer finger, “you will have to work together with Bataar Junior because he’s the only one smart enough to understand what you’re doing, so you can’t secretly work on a machine that helps you escape.”

She could see a muscle in Asami’s jaw twitch. She just knew her too well.

“And two,” a second finger joined the first one, “I will be constantly watching over you when you work.”

Asami raised a single eyebrow. “Doesn’t the almighty Avatar have more important duties than being a guard dog for a mere non-bender like me?”

“Maybe,” Korra deflected Asami’s thinly veiled insult, “but you are not just a non-bender. You are one of the strongest people I know, both in hand-to-hand combat and will power. And if you wanted to escape by outsmarting us, you would be able to, in an instant. So I’m banking on the fact that no matter what you believe in right now, you heart would still want to find out the truth.”

Asami pulled her lips into a thin line and quietly stared at Korra, who seemed confident in her choice and was already walking toward the door.

“I’m going to tell Su and Bataar Junior about this so we can start right away. Wait here.” She opened the door and paused, turning her head back to find Asami staring at her with an unreadable look.

“Asami,” Korra mumbled, chewing on her lips for a bit before she looked up in determination and said, “Even if you can’t believe me right now...there’s never been a single moment in my life where I have thought of you as just a non-bender. Even at my lowest point, all I could of think when describing you was pretty and smart.” Korra lowly chuckled to herself. “And now imagine how I feel right now. So you can bet everything on me doing my best to get you back.”

And Korra swiftly shut the door behind her, too scared to sneak one last look in case she would find empty eyes staring back at her. But that fear was unfounded as a pair of wide green eyes would have been there to meet her gaze, unguarded, with a storm of conflicting emotions swirling within them.

\--

“How do you know she won’t try anything?” Suyin asked Korra once she had been informed of the decision.

“Oh, she definitely will,” Korra ran her hand through her hair, brushing it back. “And this is why I’ll have to be there to watch her. I can read her body language.”

One corner of Suyin's mouth quirked up. “I’m sure you can.”

Uncomfortable under the knowing gaze, Korra squirmed slightly and stepped aside. “I meant that I can tell when she’s suddenly acting unnaturally. We’ve been together long enough for me to tell when she is immersed in something and when she is pretending to be. Learned that the hard way.”

“I'm sure you did.”

“It’s not like that, stop thinking in that direction,” Korra huffed. “I meant when I’m talking about the pro-bending league. Like, she will enjoy a pro-bending match for what it is but doesn’t really care about the specifics of that sport. But she will still listen to me ramble about it all day because she’s that kind of person.” Korra sighed. “I just love her so much.”

“Alright,” Suyin patted Korra on the back. “Let’s get her back then. I’ll talk to Bataar Junior, you can leave it to me.”

“Thanks.”

\--

“Is this necessary?” Asami gestured to the looming figure standing in the corner and Bataar Junior turned his head in that direction.

Korra crossed her arms. “Don’t mind me.”

“I do, actually.” Asami glared at her. “I can’t work if I constantly feel your eyes on me.”

“This is how surveillance works. Would be no point in me being here if I didn’t monitor you closely,” Korra answered with a shrug.

“Yeah, and I wouldn’t feel safe otherwise,” Bataar Junior added, rolling out a blueprint document. “I have absolutely zero skills in self-defense.”

“There’s no need for that,” Asami said in discontent. “I’m not going to try anything with the Avatar right on my tail.”

“Good. There should be no problem then with me here. If you’re not going to try anything anyway.”

Asami pursed her lips. “It’s not so much the surveillance I mind, more so the fact that I can sometimes feel your eyes land on somewhere they shouldn’t be. Makes me hesitant to turn my back to you and bend over the table.”

Bataar Junior awkwardly coughed and moved his head closer to the rolled-out blueprint on the table to busy himself or at least pretend to.

“Wha-“ Korra spluttered out, gesturing wildly, “it’s not like that – I mean, how do I know you’re not hiding something in the back pockets of your pants!”

Asami put her hands on her hips. “I don’t have back pockets on these pants.”

Korra’s expression froze. “Yeah, well, they might have – anyway, keep working. I’ll keep watch on your hands then.”

“Almost worse,” Asami mumbled as she turned her attention back to the blueprint and Bataar Junior.

Korra wiped at her forehead with the back of her forearm and cursed herself for letting her gaze wander. She had not been aware of what her eyes had been focusing on as she had gotten lost in her own thoughts, longing for the moment she could have her girlfriend back. Her mind was nowhere near adult territory and yet she must have subconsciously focused on the more eye-catching parts of her girlfriend’s body.

“We can work with this, it’s a good start,” Asami muttered and Bataar Junior hummed in agreement, both beginning to discuss their plans in detail. 

As Korra was watching Asami’s every movement, she was both bored out of her mind because she didn’t understand any of the technical details they were discussing and yet unable to completely zone out because she needed to be attentive. In the end, she found herself in a half-trance where she couldn’t hear a word of what they were saying while simultaneously being awake enough to follow Asami.

“Looks like you could need a break,” Asami suddenly spoke up hours later, snapping with a finger in her face to wake her up. The sun outside was starting set and the room had to be filled with artificial light.

Korra’s hazy eyes instantly cleared up. “Why?”

“So I can try to escape, of course,” Asami replied drily, rolling her eyes. “You haven’t moved a bit for hours.”

Expression lighting up, Korra stretched her body and asked, “Is this you caring about me?”

Asami scrunched up her face and retorted, “Hardly. I was actually about to ask if you could step outside and bring in Kuvira. After some discussion, we realized we will need her help to fabricate a working machine of our own.”

“Ah.” Korra sheepishly scratched the back of her neck and looked to Bataar Junior. “You okay with this?”

He lifted his glasses and rubbed his tired eyes. “Certainly not my first choice. But we have no other options. And a man of science would never let his personal feelings get in the way of breakthroughs.”

“Hm, fine.” Korra stretched her arms and rotated her stiff shoulders. “I’ll have two guards watch you while I get Kuvira. Shouldn't take too long considering she's just down the corridor.” And as she stepped outside, two guards immediately marched into the room and replaced her duty by quietly standing in the corners.

“Can’t believe we have to rely on my ex-fiancée for this,” Bataar Junior mumbled after a quiet minute, his body tensing up at the thought.

“There are worse things in life,” Asami stated indifferently, scribbling down notes and drawing rough sketches of possible construction plans.

“I guess,” Bataar Junior sighed. “Forgot it has to be worse for you. Losing your father because of her must have been tough, I’m sorry.”

Asami’s body froze and the pen in her hands slipped from her slack fingers. “What did you say?”

“Huh?” Bataar Junior looked up at her in surprise. “Didn’t you – oh. You don’t remember. Shit.”

“What… happened to my father?” Asami pressed out in a trembling voice, holding her suddenly aching head with both hands. No matter how hard she tried to focus, she could not for the sake of her remember the last time she had seen her father. She couldn’t even visualize his face, only seeing a blurry blob where his head used to be.

“He’s …” Bataar Junior swallowed nervously, hesitating to finish his sentence.

“I said, what happened to my father!” Asami furiously yelled, swiping away the notes on the table and threateningly moving toward Bataar Junior.

The guards immediately sprung into action and pulled her arms behind her back to restrain her movements.

“What’s going on? I literally just stepped outside for a minute!” Korra burst into the room with more guards in tow and Kuvira, whose stony exterior was faltering and turning tense.

“You!” Asami screamed, green eyes flaring up in pure anger and agony when they recognized the person behind Korra, and she started struggling against the two guards, who held her back with great difficulty at the unexpected surge of strength. “Are you the reason my father is dead? Why can I not remember? Why can’t I remember anything!”

“Asami!” Korra ran over to her and helplessly watched for a moment as her girlfriend tried to wrestle out of the guards’ grip. Then, with a heavy heart, she ordered the guards to bring her back to her room.

And as they walked past Kuvira, Asami tried to lurch at her, but the guards were expecting it and held her back in time. 

"Why can't I remember," Asami growled in frustration and shut her eyes tightly, "why can't I remember him..."

Eventually, the guards managed to escort her out of the room. Kuvira shuddered slightly when she recalled the fire that had been in Asami's eyes.

“Fascinating,” Bataar Junior suddenly said, frantically diving for the notes that Asami had brushed off the table and he reemerged with all of them collected in his arms. “Despite having no memory of her father up until the point I mentioned him, she still felt very strongly about him. That proves that her core self is still intact, meaning intrinsic personality traits are still to be found even after alternating everything else around them.”

Despite still feeling torn over what just happened and wanting nothing more but to immediately check up on Asami, Korra needed to know more. “So you’re saying-“

“That we have a very good chance of reversing the brainwashing done on her,” Kuvira provided. She walked over to Bataar Junior, who flinched when she raised a hand to pull out some of the notes in his arms.

“So Asami will be back in no time?” Korra asked in a hopeful tone.

“Depends on how you define ‘no time’, but yes, we might make faster progress than expected. If everyone cooperates.” Kuvira peeked over the notes at her ex-fiancé, who avoided her gaze.

“It certainly won’t fail on my behalf for lack of team-player skills,” he muttered.

“Alright,” Korra shuffled toward the door, “seems like there’s a lot you need to work out still. And I don’t mean just the machine. Good luck.” And she bolted out of the door, leaving the two ex-lovers to deal with unresolved feelings.

\--

Asami was lying on her bed, blankly staring at the ceiling above when Korra entered the room after cautiously knocking a few times.

"Hey, are you..."

“No, I’m not okay,” Asami tiredly said without moving her head. “Should be obvious.”

“Well,” Korra pulled up a chair and sank down on it. “I like to ask obvious questions. Because the Asami I know would still answer them seriously and patiently, every time, no matter how dumb I sound.”

"But I'm not the Asami you know," came the toneless reply. "Even I don't know who I am right now. Without my memories, I am nothing." Asami’s eyelids fluttered shut and she turned to lie on her side with her back facing Korra.

“It's not true,” Korra said quietly. “Even when you don’t know what to believe in and have no memories to back it up, your core traits have never changed. The Asami I know is still in you somewhere."

She didn’t get a response, only saw the slightest shoulder movements that meant that Asami was breathing. But she knew that she was listening.

“Even when you think you hate me, you wouldn’t resort to blind violence to get rid of me. You would plan and calculate, opting for a cleaner route, using your smarts, intuition and skills. That’s the engineer in you. And though I know you were planning to cross us somewhere down the line, I also know you’re not faking your personal interest in regaining your memories. Because the Asami I know is too strong of a person to not want to know her full identity, regardless of how painful the memories might be. The Asami I know doesn’t run away from things. Of course, she doesn’t blindly charge into them either, like me, but she deals with everything on her own ground. And that’s what I admire about her.”

Finally, her words seemed to have touched a nerve, as Asami shuffled slightly and asked in a muffled voice, possibly muttering into the pillow, “How are you so sure that this version of me you claim to know is truly that kind of person? How can you tell if she had been authentic? Because I’m just being authentic to my beliefs too, and yet here you tell me that this is not me.”

Korra sucked in a deep breath and sighed. “I guess you got me at that. I can’t prove to you that your thoughts are not your own and I can’t fault you for that. No one wants to even entertain the possibility that their thoughts might not be their own.”

She drew invisible circles on the floor with her shoes. “After all, I guess there’s few things scarier than having no free will and not even being aware of it. It’s probably on the same level as people accepting ideas they don’t fully believe in or understand but still participate in because they want to be a part of something.”

Asami slowly turned around and lied on her other side to face Korra. “It’s because they lack perspective. If they knew more, had more information available, more options to choose, more comparisons to make -” She sat up in her bed. “I need my memories back. My real, experienced, lived-through memories. So I can finally tell if the me right now makes any sense.”

Korra gently smiled at Asami, feeling pride and hope swell within her chest. She knew Asami was still in there. “I know you can do it.”

Taken aback by the openly adoring look on Korra’s face, Asami uncomfortably averted her gaze. “Don’t get me wrong, I still feel some resentment toward you. But like you said, I’m too rational to let this get in the way of finding the truth.”

She grabbed a fistful of her white blanket and released it again. “After all the time we’ve spent together, I would be foolish to still keep saying that my hatred for you has a good reason. Aside from obviously having no memory to confirm that, I also don’t think you would go through all this trouble of acting to convince me I was once a part of your life.”

“Huh,” Korra chuckled, and Asami looked up in confusion.

“Did I say anything funny?” She warily asked.

Korra shook her head, but a lop-sided smile remained on her face as she grinned back. “Glad to see that even this version of Asami thinks that I’m a bad actress. Which is not wrong.”

“It was just an assumption,” Asami replied neutrally. “Your way of handling things can be a bit more on the…spontaneous side.”

“Been told that before,” Korra smiled in amusement. “Exactly in these words, by the exact same person. Well, not quite the same person. But you get it.”

Asami’s eyes shifted to the desk for lack of better things to focus on and she brushed her hair over her shoulder. “I need to get back to work.”

“I agree. But not today,” Korra stood up from her chair. “It’s late now and tomorrow’s another day. Besides, the other two in there will need some time for themselves to sort out their beef. You should rest, I’ll get you some warm food.”

Unable to argue against the tiredness seeping into her bones, Asami just nodded and watched Korra moving toward the door.

The latter one suddenly paused in her movement and carefully glanced back at Asami over her shoulder.

“Will you be okay?” she asked softly. “Working with Kuvira.”

A flash of pain and anger flared up in Asami’s eyes before she suppressed them. “I’ll have to be. As long as I don’t know the whole story, I don’t want to judge too quickly.”

Relieved, Korra opened the door and stepped outside. “You know, that’s also one of your core traits that I’ve always admired,” she softly said before gently closing the door, leaving Asami to pensively stare at the door.

__

As Korra entered Asami’s room the next day, the latter one was already waiting for her, immediately getting up from her bed to walk up to Korra, who led the way.

“Bataar Junior and Kuvira have already started,” Korra commented. “Since both still have all of their body parts intact, I’m just going to assume that their talk yesterday went well.”

Asami trailed behind Korra as they walked toward the research room in silence. Upon reaching the room, as Korra was about to knock to announce their presence, Asami suddenly held up her hand. “Wait.”

“Hm?” Korra looked up in surprise.

“Before we go in…” Asami hesitantly said. “I need to ask you something.”

“Oh? Okay?” Korra dumbfoundedly nodded. “Sure, whatever you need to know.”

Asami bit on her lower lip, a habit that Korra had always found particularly enticing and she was using all of her Avatar strength not to lean in and kiss her.

“Now don’t you dare laugh at me,” Asami threatened her, albeit a bit weakly, “but I have to know, because from the way you talk about the person that I was – what was I to you?”

“Uhh…” It was only five seconds later that Korra remembered to close her mouth and she cleared her throat, “well, first of all, my best friend.”

“Oh,” Asami furrowed brows, chewing on her lower lip. “I guess…I guess I was confused because it kind of sounded like I was your…”

“Girlfriend? Lover? Hopefully future wife but don’t have to be if you don’t want to because we don’t need institutional confirmation to prove our love is real though it still might be nice to proudly refer to you as ‘my wife’ whenever I get the chance.” Korra rambled, not sure why she was starting to feel nervous as if she was confessing to Asami for the first time. She hadn’t talked to Asami about the latter title yet, but she figured that after the brainwashing was reversed, she wouldn’t be remembering any of this. “So, yeah, you’re all of that, too. An important combo, I think, for a lasting relationship.”

“Oh…” And to Korra’s surprise, she could see the faintest of pink creeping onto Asami’s pale cheeks.

“Too direct, huh?” Korra sheepishly said, trying to bridge the awkwardness with a chuckle. “Yeah, sometimes my feelings seem to burst out of me. Anyway, let’s go in, see if the two in there have made any progress. Or have actually killed each other.”

As she pushed the door open and strode inside first, she didn’t see Asami pausing by the threshold to quickly fix and brush her hair with her hands before she pulled at her clothes and entered the room. 

\--

Korra was less on alert this time around, having decided to meditate in the corner, trusting that she would be able to wake up in time to stop any escape attempts since there was still Kuvira.

As the first prototype of their machine started taking on a form they were satisfied with, they were preparing to do the first tests after some smaller adjustments.

“Hm,” Bataar Junior hummed with his entire body bent over the machine in an attempt to get to the backside, “I’m going to need a screwdriver over here, want to make sure nothing’s loose when we start it up.”

“It’s in the toolbox by your feet, Asami,” Kuvira mumbled as she was immersed in tuning the fine settings of the brainwave signals.

“Got it.” Asami rummaged inside the toolbox to search for the screwdriver when her eyes caught the tip of a blade peeking through beneath all the other tools. There, at the bottom of the toolbox, was a small hatchet. Not big enough to cut anything significantly thick, but enough to hack off smaller pieces of wood. Or inflict serious damage on humans.

Her mind was suddenly filled with pictures of swinging the hatchet down onto Korra’s unsuspecting, meditating face. Her green eyes darkened as she reached for the potential weapon, slowly pushing aside all the other tools to reach the item on the bottom.

She sneaked a glance between Bataar Junior and Kuvira, who both seemed to be too engrossed in their tasks to notice that her hand inside the toolbox was not about to fish out a screwdriver.

“Did you find it?” Bataar Junior impatiently quipped from behind the machine, stretching out one hand behind him for the tool he needed. Over the many hours they had worked together, he no longer feared an attack at any moment because even in her unfriendly state, Asami was undoubtedly a genius and a great pleasure to work with on a professional level.

“Yes,” Asami breathed out, eyes flickering back and forth between all three people in the room as she slowly pulled out the hatchet, her mind beginning to form a plan on how to neutralize all of them as fast as possible without being caught.

“You know, after all of this is over, I might even miss this,” Bataar Junior mumbled to himself, “I haven’t been this productive in a while now.”

“You will still be needed,” Kuvira replied, adjusting the dials. “There are still hundreds of people we need to cure, not just the Avatar’s girlfriend.”

Asami’s grip on the hatchet tightened and her knuckles turned white. “The Avatar’s girlfriend…How many people know about this? About this relationship?”

“How many?” A chuckle rang from behind the machine and Bataar Junior gestured with his previously outstretched hand in the general direction of the corner Korra was meditating in. “There’s no one who doesn’t know, she literally tells anyone about you who wants to listen. The entire world knows that there are many crimes the Avatar can forgive but looking at you strangely for one second too long is not one of them.”

“It is true,” Kuvira mumbled, her gaze turning distant and no longer focused on the dials before her. “It wouldn’t be too out of her nature to be able to forgive me despite all of the things I’ve done. But one resentment will remain, and that is because of what happened to your father.”

Asami’s eyes narrowed in determination and she suddenly pulled her hand out of the toolbox.

Without the hatchet.

“Guess we’ll have to find out the truth together.”

She grabbed the screwdriver and stood up to press it into Bataar Junior’s waiting hand. “Let’s finish this up.”

\--

“Korra.”

Heavy eyelids slowly fluttered opened until they revealed piercing blue eyes awaken from a deep trance.

Kuvira stood before her and nodded to the finished machine with her chin. “We can start now.”

“Finally,” Korra jumped to her feet and looked around. Bataar Junior already stood by the machine, with a notepad and pen in his hands, ready to record their trial and errors. And Asami was already sitting in a chair, ready to put on the helmet.

“Are you sure that this won’t electrocute my girlfriend?” Korra worriedly asked Bataar Junior, nervously observing the many cables and electrodes connecting the helmet with the machine.

Just as Bataar Junior was about to dismiss her concerns, Asami replied instead. “Why would I work on something that could harm me? At worst, it won’t have any effect on me at all. Which, realistically speaking, should be the case for the first few tries.”

“Right,” Korra breathed, distracted by the fact that Asami had willingly accepted her title as a girlfriend.

“Don’t worry,” Kuvira said firmly, “the electrical power that flows through these connections is very limited. It is not about zapping her brain with pure electricity, it is more about finding the right frequency. It will not hurt her. At most she will feel some static akin to the sensation of taking a shirt off that is made of wool.”

“Oh, alright, that’s not half bad then,” Korra said in relief. “’Cause that’s a sensation she’s familiar with, considering how many times she has complained about that whenever I pull off her clothes too quickly. I told her to just wear less wool. Or just wear less. Not when it’s cold of course.”

Kuvira raised an eyebrow and wordlessly turned her gaze back to the dials while Bataar Junior pretended to have not heard anything. The only pair of eyes returning Korra’s gaze was Asami’s and they were filled with a mix of disbelief and embarrassment.

“Alrighty, let’s get to it then,” Korra loudly clapped her hands together to quickly move on. “I want my girlfriend back before nighttime. For reasons.”

And as expected, the first few tries resulted in nothing. Every time Asami would open her eyes again, Korra always knew within a second that this was not her girlfriend of many years staring back at her. And every time those green eyes would look up at her questioningly, Korra could feel another piece of her heart breaking.

What if this was non-reversible after all? What if Asami never got her memories back?

“Let’s pause here and recalibrate,” Kuvira finally said after an hour of fruitless testing. “I think I’ve got an idea. You two can step outside for a bit.” And she gestured to Korra and Asami.

Exhausted and a bit disheartened at this point, both women left the room without questioning Kuvira, glad to get away from all of this for a few minutes.

“Hey,” Asami quietly spoke up when she could no longer bear to see Korra’s hanging shoulders, touching them to make her turn around to face her.

“Hm?” Disappointment and anxiousness were written all over Korra’s face as she couldn’t quite look Asami directly in the eyes in fear of breaking out in tears. She didn’t think she could bear the thought of having Asami so close and yet still lose her.

“I’m sorry,” Asami whispered, putting a hand on Korra’s shoulder. “I know how much you love…her.”

“It’s not your fault,” Korra weakly replied, looking away. “And yes, I do. But I know I can’t transfer my feelings for her onto you. I’ve realized that without your thoughts and beliefs and the things that made you Asami…. you are not quite the same person I fell in love with. Though you still look like her, I mean, you _are_ her, but at the same time, you’re also not the person I want.”

A glint of pain flashed up in Asami’s eyes and she put both of her hands on Korra’s shoulders, shaking her slightly to make her look at her.

Korra slowly looked up in confusion.

“I – You – Listen, this might sound crazy,” Asami breathed out, closing her eyes for a bit to gather strength, “but…let’s say this machine doesn’t work and I’ll have to stay this way. I think I– argh.”

She took a deep breath again.

“What I want to say is…that I don’t want us to end like this. If you are willing to, and I mean I understand if you don’t want to, but maybe, just maybe, we could start from zero again? We could make new memories; you could teach me about the old ones, and I will do my best to learn about my past.”

With every second she was talking, Korra’s eyes was turning wider and wider.

“What –“

“I’m serious,” Asami said, squeezing Korra’s shoulders. “I know I might never live up to the girlfriend I was before, but after the time I spent with you, I just realized that anyone who dated you could consider themselves lucky. And I think I…would really love to experience that.”

“Asami…”

“Please,” Asami turned desperate because she didn’t want to hear that apologetic tone. “Just a few days ago, I was filled with hatred and my only purpose was destroying you because you were my enemy, but I didn’t even know why. But from the way you talk about my past self, I found myself more and more jealous of her. Please, I can become just like her.” And she buried her head against Korra’s chest, who slowly raised her arms to engulf her in a hug.

“Asami,” Korra whispered, stroking the other woman’s back in slow, soothing movements. “I…I want to say yes to you, you don’t know how badly I just want to say yes. Spirits know I’ve never been quite good at denying you things.” She gently lifted Asami’s head and took a step back. “But I don’t think it’s quite fair to you.”

“To me?” Bewildered, Asami vehemently shook her head, “Why would this be unfair me? I want this, I suggested it!”

“Yes, but,” Korra reached up to brush Asami’s bangs to the side and tucked some of her hair over her ear. “If we consider you a different person from now on…then you should also be allowed to make different decisions from now on. Even if you two will always be similar at your core, you have already started to develop your own quirks. And your unique traits will only grow stronger the longer you exist without your old memories while new memories will replace them.”

Korra sighed. “And even if we disregard that, this relationship of ours would not be equal. I would have unrealistic expectations of you to be exactly the same as before and you would be forcing yourself to imitate your old self. This doesn’t sound fair to me.”

Struck by this realization, Asami stared at Korra for a long time without uttering a word before she finally broke the silence again.

“You would let her go? Just like that? After all of your talk about how much you love her?”

Korra returned a sad smile. “This isn’t my choice. If none of the experiments work and you start to develop a new identity based on the new things you’re learning every day, then who am I to stand in your way of living? I have no right over her existence. And certainly no right over yours.”

Asami slowly lowered her head and stared at a point beneath Korra’s eyes because she couldn’t bear to look into them, to see the resignation in them.

“You are…” She paused before chuckling to herself. “I suppose the amount of your nobility and selflessness is befitting of an Avatar, mighty as they come.”

Korra let out a weak chuckle. “Don’t let this fool you. I am very much teetering on the edge of just eating my words and carrying you bridal style over the threshold of my house.” She sighed. “But I can’t even bear the idea of hurting the Asami I know with this decision. I admit I don’t know how she would feel about this, but if there was even the slightest possibility that my decision would hurt her, then I don’t want to do it. It’s just not worth it.”

Asami wanted to say more, do more and have more time just to be with her a little bit longer, but as she noticed Kuvira approaching them, she tightened her jaw and pressed her lips together.

“We’re ready,” Kuvira said after clearing her throat. “We’ve made some adjustments that might yield better results now.”

“Alright.” Korra breathed out. She held out her hand for Asami. “Let’s go.”

Taking the offered hand, they strode back to the research room and they didn’t release hands until Bataar Junior carefully said, “Korra, you should let go if you want this to work. I’d rather not find out what happens if another person was attached to the machine.”

Both Korra and Asami stared at their intertwined hands before slowly releasing them. After Korra had helped Asami putting the helmet on, she took a step back.

“Ready?” Kuvira asked, hands hovering above the dials.

Asami nodded and closed her eyes.

"Starting up now."

And the moment she felt the first pulse tickling the surface of her forehead, she opened her eyes and looked at Korra, who was immediately alarmed by the unusual reaction.

“Quick, shut it off!”

“No!” Asami interjected, feeling more tickling sensations penetrating her scalp and spreading across her brain. “It’s working.” She started breathing heavily, not because of any discomfort, but at the idea of not being able to remember anything anymore. “Korra.”

“Yes, I’m listening,” Korra quickly scrambled to kneel before her, as close as she possibly could without touching her.

Asami’s eyes were flickering in and out of consciousness as she felt more and more of her thoughts getting muddy in a trance-like state.

“I guess I can tell you this now since I won’t be around for your teasing,” she panted, unable to keep her eyes open anymore as her consciousness was starting to fade to black. “I think I would have… eventually loved you as much as the other me did if I had gotten the chance to stay around…Because I can’t imagine a universe where I’m dumb enough to let you pass by.”

And just as Asami managed to press out her last word in a faint whisper, her facial expressions went slack and the machine stopped humming.

“Asami!” Korra shouted, quickly pulling the helmet off her and brushing her hair back, touching her forehead. “Asami, talk to me!”

Behind Korra, both Kuvira and Bataar Junior watched in tension as Asami’s body slowly regained consciousness and her eyelids started fluttering open, revealing a steady swirl of warm green.

“Asami,” Korra breathed out in disbelief and utter euphoria, pulling her girlfriend out of the chair and into a fierce hug.

“Hey,” Asami greeted her in a hoarse voice, tired but completely content and happy as she strongly returned Korra’s hug.

Feeling tears well up in her eyes, Korra buried her head deeper into Asami’s neck. “I missed you.”

Asami smiled and closed her eyes. “I missed you too.”

\--

“I can’t believe I was about to fall in love with you. Again.”

Asami closed the door of her closet and pulled at her nightgown, glancing over her shoulder at her girlfriend, who was getting ready for the night.

“Well, if I had my brain wiped and you told me you were my girlfriend, I would not have protested,” Korra said and crawled into their bed.

“Oh, so you would have accepted a relationship with anyone you deemed as pretty?”

“What? No! I mean, only if they looked like you! My Avatar spirit would have definitely recognized you.”

“You mean the hundreds of Avatars from your previous life-times that would have been there to remind you who your girlfriend was?” Asami asked in amusement, joining Korra by sliding under the same blanket.

“…you say it like they are present for everything when I only summon them on special occasions,” Korra mumbled, making sure that Asami was tucked in.

“Mhm.”

“Fine, I tell them everything. They send their greetings by the way.”

“Greet them back for me and ask them how they are doing.”

“They say they’re doing fine. Also, they’re asking when we’re going to get marri- wait a second, you can’t just ask that when she’s right there! No, we haven’t talked about it yet! No, I was busy with getting her back! Yes, she’s staring at me now and you should shut up!”

Holding her head, Korra slowly turned to Asami and gave her a sheepish smile. “He. Just Avatar things, don’t mind me, think I need to brush my teeth again, will be back in an hour-“

“Korra.” Asami pulled her girlfriend back, who was about to bolt out of the bed. “Is there something you want to ask me?”

Korra stared at her like a deer caught in the headlights. “No?” She blinked once. “Is there something you _want_ to be asked about?”

Asami chuckled. “Only if it comes from your heart.”

Korra’s nervous smile slowly widened into a big, beaming laugh and she kissed Asami on the cheek. “It always comes from my heart when I’m talking to you. And yes, when the right time comes, I will ask you. But you’re not allowed to give me a negative answer!”

“When have I ever denied you things?” Asami said with a smile and leaned in for a kiss on the mouth. “You should know that I’m kind of on the weak side when it comes to you,” she whispered against her lips.

“Hm, tell that to my stamina,” Korra mumbled, closing the gap between them.

“You know what,” Asami panted, tugging at Korra’s top, “even though I lost nearly a week of memories, my body definitely remembers how long it’s been.”

And it was times like these, where Korra was especially thankful for her Avatar powers that prevented her from being able to die in situations where mere humans might have had a stroke.

“I love you so much.”


End file.
